Summer's End

The Celtic year is divided into two halves. One half is summer, the other is winter. Apparently one of the earlier etymologies of 'Samhain' is that it means 'summer's end'.

And for whatever reason, I love summer's end. The harvest, preserving it, the crisp air, the rich gold of the sun, the first snows. I love all of it. The change of the seasons. And to mark the change of the seasons, I gathered with the Spiric Pagans tonight to celebrate summer's end.

It seems to be the longest ritual of the year and I always find it to be the one that touches me most deeply. The focus of it is honouring the ancestors, remembering those who are gone, and celebrating the cycles of life and death and the ending of summer.

Particularly touching to me tonight was the remembering of those who are gone. These people mark this festival every year, and it is very comforting to me to know that if anything should ever happen to me - if I were to die - then these people would carry my memory on every year at this time. And it's not just because they know me - part of the rite includes honouring those we don't remember. So even after there was no one left who knew my name, because I was part of this group of people, and touched them and changed their lives, some part of me would still be carried on in that. I would not be alone - I would be remembered.

Sometimes spirituality can be a powerful thing. And whatever I carried away from the ritual tonight is still with me, not yet integrated. The thoughts are carried still within my mind, and it is too full for so much noise and conversation tonight.

Snow, Tea, and Impending Doom?

Okay, I apologize (sort of) for the title. There's no impending doom, and it has nothing to do with tea or snow.

When I woke up this morning and looked outside, it was on a white world. Snow fell while I was asleep. And there's always something about the first few snows of the year that are magical to me. The crisp air, the usual landscape being covered with white and made fresh and new again. It pulls at something inside me where I want to curl up at home in a sweater, with a fire and a cup of tea.

Speaking of tea, I'm heading over to the Spiric people's get together to blend some teas for xmas gifts. We're making an immune blend, a relaxing blend, and a skin-improving blend. Should be fun except for the having to go out in the snow when all I want to do is stay home with my sweater and tea.

As for the impending doom, I've been talking to a few more people recently and found that there are more people than I thought who also feel drawn to natural medicine because they feel like there will come a time when we will need it - not because more people are drawn to alternative treatments, but because there won't be access to modern medical help.

There are quite a few herbalists who feel this way, and now I find out several people where I work now were also drawn to the field because of this feeling.

Compounded with that is my current draw towards wild fermenting to preserve food, natural canning methods, and how to grow a garden big enough and sustainably enough to be the main food source year round. Something tells me I'm going to need this knowledge, but I don't know for what or even when I'll need it - yet. All I can do is keep learning what I'm drawn to learn and hope that if I ever do need the information, I'll have learned enough of it.

Autumn Clearing, Winter Dreams

I went for a long walk in Fish Creek Park today. I needed to think.

I've come around to a place again where I am feeling very displaced, and disconnected.

I believe in the theory that all of our emotions are held in the body, and over time, when there are emotions you have a hard time with, you stiffen those parts up and instead of working through things, you just cease to use them, and stop looking at those feelings. I've felt like this since I came to Calgary - lost, disconnected, not knowing where home is. But after the first little while I stopped feeling it, or rather, I stopped noticing the feeling as much.

Now that I'm moving myself deliberately again certain emotions that I stopped paying attention to are coming up again. Only this time I'd like to actually work through them, instead of just thinking that Calgary is temporary and I'll be going home again. Now comes the time when I have to choose how and where I want to live, at least for now.

It's kind of interesting that this all fits in with the messages from the divine I've gotten recently.

The first part involves cleaning and clearing my mind and life - saying 'no' to everything that stops me from taking time for myself.

The second involves reconnecting with people. I have a tendency to isolate myself. I need time alone to unplug from the rush that is the city, and if I don't take that time I really do not make for good company. It starts to feel like an obligation.

And last is the message that came while I was walking. Because of the season, I should follow the trees example and let go of what is no longer useful. Let go of the need to 'go home' again, of the need to resist making connections here because I'm not staying. Let go of all that, clear my mind and heart of the debris my longing has left. And once the autumn clearing is done, I can relax into winter's dreaming to dream of what home needs to be.

There really is something about a brown and gold autumn wood at dusk, when everything is quiet and cold and crisp. Something about the feel of autumn's descent into death calls to me, and fills something deep inside me with peace. Spring fills me with joy and energy, summer and winter are there to provide contrast, and autumn fills me with peace.

So, I suppose I will take the message of the falling leaves, and surrender to the inevitable chill of winter, and use that time to nourish what roots me in this life - in short, to remember where my home is.

How to Sooth a Cat in Heat

As I am typing this, there is a great deal of yowling going on. Yes, the cat is in heat again. They wouldn't sit still for a picture, but they basically look like this:

Mira is rubbing up against anything she can get her horny little paws on (oh how she loves me. And the walls, the chair legs, the other cat, my pole, and even the floor). Elizabeth, in true cat fashion, looks on in disapproval - yesterday when she came down the hallway to greet me in the morning, she kept looking back at Mira who was following. By the time they got to me, Elizabeth was running to get away from her!

So far, the only thing that quiets her is if you hold her and pet her (no yowling, but she keeps making little pigeon-y noises), and peppermint oil in the diffuser. Not sure why the peppermint oil works, but at least she calms down for a while.

Anyway. In other news, I'm finally finished my routine for the taboo show. I now have about 2 weeks to practise and perfect it before performing. I am definitely feeling like I left it a little late. At least it's done now.

Not much else going on. Possibly a Spira Halloween party this weekend, depending on what Jon's working. I'll have to throw a costume together quickly, but I'm sure I can manage.

And hopefully, more posts coming soon! Especially if I manage to stop procrastinating and actually start setting wedding plans in motion.

So...Why S Factor?

This is my third attempt at writing this post. There's just so much I want to say and explain that it's hard to be clear and organize my thoughts on it.

Basically, I bought the S Factor DVD's not because of a new style of dance I want to learn, or a new trick. I got them because I've read multiple accounts of women who take the classes changing utterly in their perception of themselves and what they are capable of.


So I bought the DVD's and my friend and I committed to getting together at least once a week to practice it together. And it's funny, but even after only having gone through the movement series three times I already feel changed. I find myself doing hip circles in the bathroom while I'm brushing my teeth. I luxuriate in the feel of my hand playing with my hair while I read. I appreciate my body in a way I didn't before. And I've only done this three times!

The founder of S Factor, Sheila Kelly, has a mission: To make women feel better about themselves, right now. To help them realize their worth, not after losing 10 lbs, not after changing themselves, but as they are, right now. She says S Factor is like 'Fight Club' for women. The boxing in fight club was a way for men to regain their feeling of masculinity. S Factor is a way for women to reconnect to their feminine side. Or as S Factor puts it, their 'Erotic Creature'.

And this is especially important because we have a problem. I'm going to put a quote from another blogger here because he says it more succinctly than I ever could (and I'll include the link at the end of my post if anyone wants to read the rest of it).

'We have a problem. Women are ugly. Women are fat. Women are bad mothers. Women are bad wives. Women are bad daughters. Women have too much cellulite in their thighs. Their abdomens are too flabby. Women are stupid. Women are scatter-brained. Women don’t dress well enough. They don’t have clear enough complexions. They don’t have skin that is soft enough. Women are too dominant. Women are too passive. Women are nothing but doormats. Women aren’t good enough. Women will never be good enough. Women are, simply put, worthless.'

It's an epidemic, and I bet that any woman I know or have ever met has felt this way at some point or another. There is no escaping our culture, and we compound it by bringing each other down. We've all been trained so well by what is acceptable and decent that any woman who steps outside that and dares to celebrate their sexuality or wear something revealing is branded a whore by other women. And that is what is truly sad.


They say that women celebrating their sexuality for the enjoyment of men is a degrading thing. Perhaps, when women celebrate their sexuality for themselves, in the context of only having other women there will be different. Perhaps it will allow us to celebrate our power and hold each other up instead of tearing each other down. And that is what S Factor is about. That is why I get more from a practice done for three weeks with a friend than I get from pole classes for the last two and a half years. This is why I love it already. And why I want to share it. Every woman should try S Factor just once to see what a difference this innocuous fitness routine can make for them.

The article: worthless women:
http://www.danoah.com/2010/10/worthless-women-and-men-who-make-them.html

the other article: the campfire theory:
http://www.sfactor.com/sheila_kelleys_workout/archives/11/about_smagazine_article.asp

Thoughts on Food

So I've been thinking on food a lot lately. Reading things about healthy eating, about what our ancestors ate, and what we eat now and why. And I suppose it's finally been brought home to me yet again exactly what we've been doing to our planet.

I've heard it said since I was a teenager that modern farming practices deplete the soil. I never realized what that means. Well, with what I've been reading lately, I finally realize.

Simply put, what it means is this: using currents farming practices, worldwide we have only about 80 to 100 years left of viable topsoil. In only 80 to 100 years, the land that is being used to produce food will no longer be able to do so. At all. And then we'll start to have quite the issues with feeding our population.
And my own sense of personal responsibility says that if I eat foods grown in a way that depletes the soil, then I am responsible for depleting the soil just as much, if not more so than the farmer who grew it.

Even organic food growing depletes the soil faster than nature replenishes it. So the real question is: what do we need to do to change this?

Luckily, the articles and books and documentaries I've been reading and watching/listening are not just spouting off about what's wrong with the world. They look at what can be done as well. It's not all simple, but it really is in line with what I've been searching towards - when I think about how I want a garden, it's not flowers, it's vegetables and herbs that I think of. I love the idea of growing things (although my forays into balcony gardening so far have all been disappointing), but I want to grow useful things. There is no place in my garden for plants that do not serve a use, either through creating compost to replenish the garden, food, medicine, or attracting pollinators to the more useful plants.

And if you don't have enough space for a garden of your own, there are now organizations of something called 'CSA'. Community Sustained Agriculture. I think it's a step in the right direction - moving closer to growing enough food to sustain yourself. Basically you buy a share in the farm in exchange for a percentage of the harvest (and with most of them, you can offer to come help out if you want the experience of gardening/farming without doing it all yourself to start out with).

I often thought about how people seem to be happier in places where life is harder, where they have less. All evidence points to growing your own food being harder than the life I lead now where all I have to do is work for money and buy it. But for some reason the difficulty of it doesn't seem to matter when I think about wanting to do this - I have a feeling the sense of accomplishment attached to it is worth more than all the extra time I have for other things.

The satisfaction of being able to grow enough food to be self-sufficient and sustainable is worth more to me than any amount of stuff I could ever buy.

Finally finding the S

So I finally did it. I finally got the S-Factor DVD's.

I've wanted them for a while. I've been thinking about getting them probably since last June. Really before that, but I started seriously considering it in May/June.

The reason for this is mostly because, while I enjoy my pole classes, there's something missing from them. There was a hint of what I was looking for when I was in level 1, and a bit in level 2. After that, it became a class of learning pole tricks. We were encouraged to do a freestyle or choreography at the end of every session, but there was never any guidance given on how to put one together, or practice at freestyle dance. I think because of this, there were very few students who were interested in doing a performance for the last class of every session - especially so for those who were shy or had no dance background. Hell, the only reason I'm interested in it is because I remember dancing as a child in my parents basement and how much I loved it. The folk dance (ukrainian/highland/irish) classes I took later on were fun but they didn't touch the joy I felt during my solitary forays into lyrical dance as a kid.

Basically I'm looking for more dance oriented movement. So I got the DVD's - there isn't actually any pole work on the main one - there's a separate DVD for pole work. The focus is mainly on actual dance.



There's more I want to write about this - I've been reading the blogs of a few people who go to actual classes, and it sounds like it has a deeper potential than just dance. But that's another post ;)

First Class!

So I taught my first pole class today. It was great. I was a little nervous, as most first time teachers probably are, but I've been assisting long enough (and the instructor I assist with is awesome for letting me get some practise actually teaching in her classes) that once I got the students in the class, the how part just fell into place.

There are of course a few things I could work on - making sure not to over-complicate the explanations is one. I had to remind myself of that today. And I need to have some kind of a set plan for timing of different parts and how many times we run through a thing.

The girls in class today picked everything up super quick though - I even got to the point of giving them little hints and tips to make things more graceful.

All in all, I'd say it was good first class. A few of them were quite excited for next week, so that made me happy :) Always good for a teacher if the students enjoy the class.

My Leo - hear him roar? er...talk. A lot.

Sometimes it's exhausting living with a Leo. It's been a long day at work and all, and you get home exhausted and all you want to do is read some stuff on the computer, or relax with a book and a cup of tea, or even an interesting TV show. But in comes Leo, the epicenter of the universe (at least his universe, anyway) and now your job is to sit in rapt attention at his feet while he regales you with heroic tales of his exploits at work.

And as your eyes begin to glaze, or you stare longingly at your book/computer/tv, you start to feel bad for not being interested in how heroic he is in his story.


Okay, so I'm being a bit dramatic. But I'm busy, and I need time to unwind. And I love reading and learning about new things. And there's just not enough time in my life to do everything I would love to do. And it shouldn't be this way (yes, that was me being a victim)

Okay, I think I'm done now.

I also think that mostly, I need to find a way to relax and refresh myself in a solitary manner - in nature, or closed into the spare room with a book or my computer. I need to refresh my tolerance for the world, because after being in a busy, noisy mall all day (especially when my boss is stressed about stuff, which happens fairly easily) it's hard to want to be around other people who don't refresh my soul.

My Leo doesn't understand the quiet and stillness needed to refresh my soul. Or rather he doesn't understand WHY I need that - he rejuvenates himself with noise and people and one-upping others, and he relaxes himself with smoking and alcohol. He doesn't understand why I hate the constant traffic outside our window, or the joys that can be had by working in a garden and watching patiently while things grow. And because he doesn't get it, I am going to have to work very hard at not just letting it slide. I need MY time, away from all of it, so I can feed my soul.

Happy Thanksgiving!

So I have once again been neglecting this blog. And there have been a couple things that I've been thinking about posting about. In any case what I want to update about tonight is my primal eating experiment.

I haven't kept to my big-ass salad plan, although I have eaten it more often than not (and had some of the best salads I've ever had). What I have cut down on is all processed foods (I've pretty much had nothing processed except some strongbow, a glass of wine or two, the occasional bit of cheese and some 90% dark chocolate). I've also been eating pretty low-carb, which is a side-effect of eating like 'Grok' (not no-carb, but between 50 and 150 g a day from fruits and veggies and nuts).

So, since I've been getting most if not all my carbohydrates from fruits and veggies, and not having any grains, I thought it might be interesting to note what would happen if I had a lot all at once - and I figure, since it's Thanksgiving, what the hell?

So today I have had a bagel, some gravy, and pumpkin pie with whipped cream, eggnog and some root veggies like potatoes and turnips that are higher in carbs/insulin spiking effects. In all it was approximately 350g carbs, quite a few of those from sugar and white flour (ah, pie - and I really don't think pumpkin was worth it).

At first it just made me sleepy - and I got 10 hrs sleep last night. That's kind of gone away now though, since I had the eggnog (probably the sugar in it). Now I'm kind of wheezing/coughing a little and having a hard time catching my breath. Also, I had a bit of heartburn after pie - and I NEVER get heartburn. Including tonight, I can count on 3 fingers the number of times I can remember having heartburn in my life. And one of those was the result of a hangover. So I'd say that the refined flour and sugar in large quantities doesn't agree with me.

So I will continue to avoid it. Score one for the primal eating experiment

Wedding Wednesday

So I missed Primal Tuesday - mostly because I haven't been very primal this week.
My sister went back to BC, and it left me feeling kind of like how I did when I first moved to Calgary. Thank goodness for Jon. Without him it'd be far worse I think. And the kitties waiting for me to come home help too.

They were almost cuddling in the hallway this morning - only about a foot apart. They still sniff noses every time they walk close to each other, but I think they're getting used to it. And Elizabeth isn't nearly as meow-y when I get home now - I think part of it was that she doesn't like being alone, and now she's got another cat around all the time.

So, on to my newest blog addition (well, not entirely new, but I'm reviving it).
Wedding Wednesday!
As most people who read my blog will know, I am getting married at the end of May next year. And it seems like so far away, and yet...September seemed really far away too, back when I first started planning.

This weekend I'm going to pick up a bunch of decorations and stuff. I've got to ask the soon to be MIL (Mother-in-Law) if she'd be willing to drive since everything is in bins and it'd be rather hard to pick up on a bike. I'll let you know more about that next week.

Primal Tuesday

So, primal stuff is still going ok. Robyn and I did a basic movement assessment thingy and discovered that we can both do some push-ups, some squats, and a pretty good plank hold. And apparently we're both lacking in ability to do pull-ups and dive bombers...I think it's a tricep/arm strength thing maybe? Anyway.

I've decided that 2 hrs of dance practice plus my trip to/from work with an extra walk or something thrown in here or there pretty much makes my goal of 'moving frequently at a slow pace' 3-5 hrs a week.

Then I have 2 days of 'lift heavy things' doing basic body-weight movements. I think a lot of them will help with pole too, so it makes me want to get good at them.

And last I have 1 day of sprinting. Apparently that means 6 x 50 meter jog/runs to warm up with a bit of a rest in between each, and then 6 x 50 meter sprints at full or almost full effort (8-15 seconds) with rest in between each (long enough to catch my breath fully), and then a cool down and stretch period after.

As for the primal food, I'm still having a giant salad for lunch, and I'm snacking on better things. The last couple days I've been craving sugar and bread and last night and today haven't been perfect, but in general I'm doing pretty good.

Feline Friday - late

So my feline friday is a day late. I was at Miss Pole Dance Alberta yesterday, so I have excuses.

So in the last week, the kitties have gone from hissing at each other on sight to mostly being ok together. I noticed on Tuesday that their 'hissing distance' had moved from them hissing from about a foot away to half a foot. After a week and a half of switching territory and food bowls and slowly seeing how they react with the other cat in their space, they finally seemed to be getting to being ok with each other. Their first night inside together was thursday, and they still hiss at each other occasionally as they work out whose territory is where, but they seem to have accepted each other.

Basically, if one has a problem with where the other is, they will hiss, the other cat will back off and everything will be fine. They were even sharing the couch earlier today. New kitty is stinky though, in the litter box. I'm looking into reasons for it - a lot of websites cite food as a likely culprit.

Tribal Tuesday, Second Edition

So, here we are again. A full week of Primal...stuff. It has been fun eating my Big Ass Salad, and in fact, I've eaten a couple of the best salads I've had in a long time.

I've also had a couple of issues - weekends are my weakness. Especially ones where Jon is home. It is difficult feeding myself and then feeding him something entirely different. Especially when the man likes bacon. but it has to be with toast. Or at least something bread-y and not egg related (someone doesn't like eggs).
And then there was helping with bar-tending a wedding. And the free sugar-laden drinks that came with it. *sigh* I, apparently, am weak.

But I don't look at it too badly. Every step I take, I prove to myself that the Primal stuff makes me feel great. On days where I do it all the way I have more energy, I sleep better, I feel better. Then when I eat something like white bread, or stuff with a lot of sugar first I get really really thirsty, and then I get tired. So overall, I really do have a reason to want to continue on this way. And maybe I'm not perfect at it, but the more I do it the more I want to do it.

Robyn and I are looking at the exercising thing lately too. We have no trouble moving slowly, resting or playing for 3-5 hrs on 4 days of the week. We seem to keep getting distracted when we decide to go do our 'lift heavy things' self-assessment though. Last night we got distracted by TV. Tonight we got distracted by cleaning and playing guitar. I think tomorrow we're going as soon as I get home. Either that or I'm setting an alarm to remind us.

Oh, and just a quick life-update. Robyn and I are trading lessons. I'm teaching her pole for an hour on Fridays and she's teaching me guitar for an hour on Sundays. And apparently I have to practice 30 minutes every other day so I actually learn stuff. I'll have to come up with some kind of practice for her so we're even. *evil sister-grin*

Feline Friday

So, as I mentioned in an earlier post, I acquired a new kitty on Sunday night, and over the last 5 days I've been slowly acclimating them to each other.

They started on Sunday night, with the new kitty living on the balcony to start out with. Their first meeting was paws up against the glass of the sliding door, with both cats hissing at each other for a half a minute before they backed off.

Then ensued lots of petting one and then petting the other while they sniffed my hands, smelling the other cat. The new cat seems unperturbed by this, while Elizabeth looks at me with mild disgust and betrayal (well, that's what it seems like to me, anyway) but allows herself to be petted. I also fed them where they can see each other on Monday - they both decided to eat facing away, but there was a lot of glancing over shoulders at the other while they ate.

On Tuesday I fed them where they could see each other again, and then switched them. Elizabeth seemed ok on the balcony at first, but then she got a good sniff of the crate the new cat is living in. At which point she ran away from it hissing, and meowed insistently at the door to be let back in. I managed to entice her halfway back to the crate by putting down a trail of treats and then completely ignoring her requests to come back in. The new cat seemed fine exploring inside the house.

Wednesday morning, I wake up and discover the cats looking at each other through the glass door, Elizabeth meowing questioningly through the glass. When I crack the door so they can smell each other, they hiss again though.
Repeat the switch again. Elizabeth gets to the crate this time, but then wants back in.

Thursday, repeat the switch again. This time, I simply put a few treats in front of the crate and a few just inside it, set Elizabeth down in front and opened my book. She seems fine, and eats the outer treats, sniffs around the balcony a bunch, and then cautiously eats the treats inside the crate. Happy with this success, I also thought it was time they started getting used to each other in the same space. So I pick the new cat up, and let Elizabeth in.

Sitting with the new cat in my lap, Elizabeth sits under the coffee table. New cat doesn't like laps, so she slowly squirms her way down to the floor. I hold her still, just in case the two cats decide to fight. New cat hisses a little, but her ears don't go back. Elizabeth watches, hissing back a little too, but neither approaches or seems likely to attack the other.

Next morning, I do the opposite. Elizabeth outside is more frightened than the new cat inside - she huddles on my lap, meowing at me, and hissing once. New cat is laying in the sun and ignoring her. So I put Elizabeth down. She huddles in place to start out with, but new cat ignores her still and eventually she starts sniffing around the food bowls. Robyn comes out and I figure it's enough for the morning. Right now they're switched again.

Their progress at tolerating each other seems good, and they watch each other through the door frequently now. I'm hoping they'll be able to sniff each other face to face without hissing or fighting soon. And after that, hopefully they'll be friends :) I'm very optimistic - they're getting used to each other fairly quickly.

Tribal Tuesday Begins

As I mentioned in my last post, I've started a month-long experiment with 'Primal Living'. Basically, I was eating a lot of junk food and this seemed like a good way to eat better. Here's the details.

Foods - lots of veggies, enough protein for cell repair, fruits, nuts/seeds, good fats, limited dairy, no sugar or processed /chemical stuff, mostly limited grains, and limited alcohol too.

Basically breakfast is eggs with veggies, yogurt with fruit and nuts, protein shake, or leftovers. Lunch is a giant salad with homemade dressing, and some sort of protein source (this is the biggest meal of the day), and dinner is a small serving of protein and some veggies, with fruit for dessert (and maybe a glass of wine - for the antioxidants of course, lol).

I also mentioned exercise too. This is extremely flexible but breaks down into 3 basic things that our 'ancestor grok' did. Move around a lot at a slow pace, lift heavy things, and occasionally run fast to get dinner or escape being dinner.

It gets broken down into 4 days a week to either rest, play, or move around, for a total of 3-5 (or more) hours. Could be evenly spread between the 4 days, or done all on one day. This would include walking, hiking, biking, working on a pole routine, swimming, playing sports, or doing other fun things (makes me want to go play on kids' playground equipment)

Then there's two days of lifting heavy things (10-30 mins each day), which is basically muscle building - could be moving furniture around, actually lifting weights, or even my pole dancing would count (I lift my body, and that's heavy enough, right?). There's also 5 basic movements that grok could likely do, and not all of us can. The 5 are: pushup, pullup, overhead press, squat and plank. I'm pretty sure I can't quite do a pull-up - I don't spend much time climbing things other than my pole, lol. And that uses my legs to help.

And last but not least, is a day of 'sprinting' (20-25 mins, once every 7-10 days). This could be actual sprinting, skip rope, climbing stairs, dancing, or playing fast-paced sports.

So this week Robyn and I are focusing on the food part of this. So far it's pretty yummy. I've decided to take a daily picture of my 'Big Ass Salad' and at the end of the month see how varied a daily salad can be. Primal exercise starts next week. And I'm still doing my pole dance conditioning and stretching DVD 3 times a week. Speaking of which, I should go stretch.

See you Friday for the update on the kitties!

Cats go Primal?

So, now I finally have something to blog about again. Sorry for the lack of posts lately, but summer called, and I really didn't have much of interest to post about anyway. And now I do!

So, first of all, I recently (as in a few hours ago) acquired a new kitty. Her name is Athena and I rescued her from being sent to the SPCA. She was rescued first by a friend of mine, who found homes for her 7 kittens. Unfortunately, they had a harder time finding a home for her, poor girl. She's only a year and a half old, and she's had two litters of kittens in the last nine months, and her body definitely shows it - she's far too skinny. But for all that, she's a really sweet and affectionate cat.

To introduce her slowly to my cat, she's staying on the balcony for now (it's still warm out, even overnight) and so far their reactions are promising - They've been looking at each other through the sliding door, and the one time they looked at the same time, Athena only hissed for about 30 seconds before she backed away, and Elizabeth didn't hiss at all. I'm hoping they'll be used to each other and sharing space within 2-3 weeks. I'll keep you posted on how I'm getting them used to each other and their response (or lack of it). So far, other than the looking through the window, I've been petting one and then going to the other and petting them, letting them smell the other cat on me first. Elizabeth isn't happy, but she doesn't seem too put out either.

The second thing I have to blog about is my new health thingy. I've been reading about something called 'Primal Living' - basically eating and exercising in a way that works with our evolutionary strengths (basically the sorts of things the majority of our ancestors (all the way back to 'Grok', our first human, cave-man type) have eaten. Lots of forage for fresh veggies and fruits and nuts and seeds and stuff. And a good amount of protein and fats. I've been eating lots of junk lately and starting to feel a bit unhealthy, so fresh veggies sound delicious just now. And since I'm trying out eating like 'Grok', I figured I'd try exercising like Grok too. And my sister is going to join me. I think it'll be fun.
(for more info on Primal Living, visit www.marksdailyapple.com)

So I'm planning on updating twice a week at minimum - Tribal Tuesday and Feline Friday perhaps? Setting a specific day will probably help keep me posting ;)
So see you Tuesday!

Hiatus? I'm still here...

I know it's been a while since I've posted. I haven't forgotten you - anyone who checks this blog must be exceedingly patient to actually look for new things that I have to say *smile*. Don't worry, I still have things to say.

To write a brief update...

I visited my parents at the beginning of June. It was amazing and over far too quickly, but I felt rejuvenated by my visit to the woods. Not that I managed time to actually just Be in the woods. But I was there and just as it takes time to live fully, it takes time to be that present with the divinity inherent in nature, and I was too busy visiting and not being comfortable in natural surroundings (remember, I have lived in a city for 6 years now and it's hard to be comfortable with unfamiliar darkness, unfamiliar noises...as much as I long to still know these places and how to sense danger in them, I no longer instinctually know...sad result of living too much in my head and not so much in my body *sigh*)

I had my birthday...and managed to sprain my ankle and seriously bruise my big toe on the un-sprained foot...I dropped a waterbottle on it which cracked the nail and left me with a purple toe - and the nail is starting to separate from my flesh...*shudder*

We decided to postpone the wedding until spring. Financially we just weren't there - we could probably have pulled it off but we would've been broke after. And we didn't want to be broke. So end of May it will be.

Last but not least, my little sister is coming to live with us for a while. She gets here next week, and I'm really excited. I've really missed my friends and family and since I consider my sister both, it'll definitely be nice to have another woman to talk to. Although i think she considers herself a girl still....I'm sure that'll change soon once she's out on her own figuring out who she is and why she's here.

Anyway, that's what my last couple months have held. I'll write again soon :)

Earthship in 5 days!

4 days till I leave to go visit my parents! I can't believe it's come this fast.

I found out that it was a glitch on my tickets - apparently when you book greyhound tickets online in one month, the return ticket calendar thingy automatically jumps to the next month. *sigh* I'm supposed to call them tomorrow to see if they'll switch it for me, but if they don't I guess I'll just have to pay the fee for switching it. Hope it's not too much.

Still working on finding a wedding commissioner. There's one who was really nice on the phone who did a friend's wedding last year and I'd really like her, but she's not available on the saturday we were planning for. We might switch it to the sunday (she is available then - September 18th 2011). Got to talk to Jon about it a bit more tonight. Pretty sure we'll be switching though.

After that, the only other main details are catering and photography. Thought we had a photographer, but she's going to be at pole camp now since we had to change the day to the weekend. Jon has a friend who might be able to do it though.

Went to the hall yesterday and mapped it out so we can see what size tables we need and will fit so we can get a precise number on how many people we can invite. It's a pretty small reception building, so I hope it'll fit everyone we want. Still, I really don't want a big wedding, so maybe it's for the best that the reception hall isn't huge.

Anyway, I think that's all that's new. I got sick of posting fitness and goal stuff, if anyone is wondering why I stopped posting about that stuff. I was reading another blog by someone who was always ranting about how it's so hard and it's not working etc, and I decided that I didn't want my blog to be about that sort of thing. So it's not. Now it's going to be about things that interest me, a bit about pole, a bit about my adventures in nature. Random musings. That sort of thing.

Talk to you all soon!
~Heather

PS. Got tired of the dark and gloomy rain background. Thought something simple might be nicer. Hope you like it!

Walk the Path

The labyrinth is a metaphor for life.

There are times when you know you're on the right path and going the right direction. And then there are times when you're not sure if you've accidentally stepped over the line and are now on the wrong path, maybe going the wrong direction - maybe out or in when you meant to go the opposite way.

Part of walking the labyrinth is trusting that you're on the right path, heading in the way you need to go. It's like a mind trick - the labyrinth confuses the mind, looking like a maze you can get lost in. Just like life. The trick to finding your way through is to realize and trust that there is only one way in and one way out. The mind can play tricks on you all it likes, but it can't change the nature of a labyrinth. There is only one path you can follow. And it's the one you are already on.


The other thing I like about a labyrinth is its center. You can never be lost when you find your center. Or when you're standing in one.

Almost-4-am brings out the most interesting thoughts about my life. I think I may stay up to watch the sun rise.

"There is only one true path. And if you do not know what is in your heart, then you have already lost it"

**bonus: how to draw your own labyrinth for finger-tracing meditation:

for the trees

I've been struggling with what to do next in my life for the last 6 months, or more. And I think I just had a moment of clarity.

I've been waffling the last half a year. Struggling with the not knowing of what I need to do in my life next. I've finished learning from Wild Rose. And now here I am working in a nutrition store. Which is nice, but not quite why I wanted to learn this stuff. Honestly, not quite what I wanted to learn.

The question was really, where do I want to go in my life? What is my purpose? What do I need to contribute to this world? I thought I'd found it, thought I knew, way back when I first moved here. I'd found the stillness at my center and I knew where I needed to go with my life. First herbs, then horses. And some sort of vague notion about helping people connect with...hmm? not too clear on that.

Having finished wild rose, I had some decisions to make. Did I want to focus on getting married, starting a family? Did I want to jump right into finding horses? Did I want to instruct pole dance? Did I want to look into midwifery and doula-ing (a subject that has fascinated me lately)? So many options, and really, no true way to do all of them.
And in being in this city for almost 5 years now, I'd truly forgotten what made me come to calgary in the first place. There were a series of workshops I went to with my mom, and in the course of going through them with her, I found the small, still, silent place that is ME, when all else is said and done. The stillness there is where I find myself, my purpose, and the strength to follow it through fear and out the other side into doing what needs to be done. And in living here, away from the woods, away from the quiet places I love, I'd forgotten that place. I was trying to figure out what to plan for my future without ever consulting myself. No wonder I was struggling.

There came a moment in all my struggle where I just gave up. Struggling was useless and I wasn't going to do it. I'd just stay there in that miserable place until something told me it was time to move again. As soon as I did this, I got told to move (lol). And then I started remembering. And I've been slowly waking up this spring, as the wind blows winter's stagnation away.

So my moment came today, and it was sparked by the writings of a man who explained exactly what I know to be wrong with the world. People don't seem to care about nature. And the incomprehensible thing to me was why don't they? I was lucky growing up. I had an abundance of contact with wild places. My grandparents farm, the trails around the creek in Thunder Bay, and then the land and trees where we lived on Vancouver Island. I found nature there so easily. I really had no idea what it was like to live apart from the land. And now that I've been doing it for 5 years, I realize how easy it is to disconnect from that part of yourself. It's uncomfortable to try to connect to the land when the land is uncomfortable - restricted by concrete and pollution and the busy back and forth of city life. There's no time for the stillness in my core, and I bet that if i hadn't grown up in the woods in BC I wouldn't even notice.

So here's my moment. People don't care because they are tourists in nature. They don't know it, and so it doesn't matter what state it's in. Or what state we're in, because really, we're also tourists in our own bodies too. My purpose is to teach people to reconnect. To know nature, and through the stillness there, to find themselves. I can remember being in that workshop with my mom, and standing at the top rung, trying to find the ability in myself to take that final step onto the platform. And I found I couldn't do it for myself. The thing that got me up that step was this:

"for the trees"

I had no way to define that then. No way to really take it out into the world and use it. Not then. But now, knowing what I know about the disconnect of living without an easy way to get to a green space, maybe I do. Because I need to wake up, and I'm sure I'm not the only one.

And the wind goes on

I wanted to transcribe this. I felt it last week, but the wind blows equally strong today and I have a sense that now is the time to prepare.

Something indefinable blows across my skin with the wind tonight. Something electric, perhaps carried in the humidity of the coming rain, perhaps carried in the sense of rising spring. Either way, the power of it rises and sings in my blood, awakening my passion, pulling at my sense of nature's wild desire until I want to erupt into an inferno of dance to this wilding call.

And I realize that no matter how humans try to beat it back, pave over it, or build shelter for themselves from it, we can never control it.

There may come a day when there are no trees left in the cities, but the weather will always be Wild.

And no matter how I may try to stuff myself into a city skin, my wild self will scent this in the air and break free from restraint, fully alive and powerful once more.

I will never belong here.
I need OUT of this city.

Pole Pictures

So I've been meaning to post this for a while. I did a pole photo shoot back in march with one of my instructors who does photography as a hobby. And it was an awesome experience. Some of the pictures didn't turn out quite like I wanted them to (I had a pic with black knee socks, and we had a black background so...), but it's good to have a reference for what to work on. And I was quite happy with some of them. So, here they are. My pole photos! (click on any photo to enlarge it)


I was proudest of this one - it took me a while to get the move, and it was hard to hold. I had some awesome bruises from it too :P It's called a scorpio




and this is a variation called flatline scorpio. I actually got this one first.




This is called a jasmine. One of my newer tricks. I like it - mostly because it doesn't leave bruises, lol.




I like this one because I'm smiling - it reminds me of how happy dancing makes me.




cross knee release. When I learned this one, it reminded me of hanging from the monkey bars by my knees.




This is another one that took a while to learn. I had injured my wrist right after I got it and my bottom hand kept slipping.




The first thing you learn to do once you've got the upside down part is to let go




My headstand thingy. Saw it on youtube and enlisted my yoga-pole dance friend to teach me how to do a headstand so we could put it in our routine for a performance we did. I knew it looked pretty when I learned it, but I'm pleasantly surprised by how much I like this picture.




Last but not least, this is a spin called the reverse grab - it's one of my favourites. I've seen people who are unimpressed by inverting be impressed by this spin. It just looks cool when someone does it.



Also, I want to say thankyou to Monika of Deviant Optiks Photography for taking some awesome photos. For more of her work, visit her on facebook. She's got a pole album, but she mostly does metal bands.

It Can't Be Taught?

I just got back from the most awesome pole jam ever. It was student showcase night at my studio, and we had a great time.

Did I perform? Yes I did. Only I was a little disappointed in myself - I WAS going to do this great, meaningful dance to a song that I've really been feeling for the last month and a bit. But I didn't. Of course, I have an excuse. I had to work on finishing my thesis for school and couldn't find the time to work on it, and even though I had the choreography half done I wouldn't have been able to practice and polish it enough to perform.

That's my excuse. And it's a load of crap. Sure, I had to get my thesis done. Sure I was trying to find a new job, and my muscles were a little sore from class. I was feeling stuck in my poling, actually feeling like I was getting worse (I usually feel like this right before I start to improve - I think it's been called the plateau). But none of these are real reason I didn't finish it.

I didn't make time to finish my routine because I was scared. Scared to allow myself to really feel into my dancing - scared to share that much of myself and my emotions with an audience. I feel like if I really did that, I'd never be able to put it all back, lock away all that emotion again. But I yearn to be able to let it out. And when I do, I've been told to stop being so sensitive, or that I need to be more rational about it. Why does emotion have to be locked into 'rational' for people to deal with it? Why does it have to be dealt with at all? Can't it just be?

In truth, I think I yearn to meet myself in the dance. I've had a glimpse of her, here and there, this inner being of emotion and yearning and fire. Standing on the last rung on a tall tree stump, searching for the strength to step up with nothing to hold on to if I overbalance. Leaning out from a cliff, wind in my face, trusting to a rope and harness, and the person behind me to not let me plunge over the edge. Standing on the deck of a windy boat, feeling the earth beneath the waves, the silent strength beneath movement that echoes what is at the core of who I am.

This is what the dance is supposed to let you see. And one of my instructors said tonight that it can't be taught.

I both agree and disagree. No, it can't really be taught, because you can't teach someone to feel. And you can't teach someone how to take that emotion and translate it into movement. But then, I think most people already know how.

The part where teaching comes in is how to make it a practice. How to take the time to really be in your body, with yourself and your emotion, and just let it be. Where do you start? I really want to figure out a way that this can be taught, if only so I can teach it to myself. Because I want to dance like that - and I know I can. I just have to stretch a little. I just have to decide that I deserve to take the time for myself to practice that stretching.

Hiraeth

The Yearning....

"I know I have heard elusive inaudible music singing forth from land that is wild but nevertheless deeply known by humanity" (Patricia Monaghan, The Red-Haired Girl from the Bog)

I have heard this. The fleeting melody of the deep wild mountain, the quiet joy of singing the land awake, and the wilding call of the greening woodlands.
And I have felt the land I knew welcome me home.

I miss it. I miss being able to hear the music.

In Truth,
Adara

New Things

Have you ever wondered why new things are so hard? Maybe you haven't. Maybe new things aren't that hard for you. If that's the case, lucky you. I know they're hard for me.

Like starting a new job. I have to leave to go to work at my new job in half an hour. The thing is, I've never even been in the store I'll be working in. A ex co-worker and friend heard I was still looking for a new job because Planet had become such a negative place for me, and she offered me something. First time I've ever been hired by texting. *smile*

I don't know if it's the fact that I've never been there, that the stress of figuring out a new thing is getting to me, that I've had the last four days off and I just don't want to go do something unfamiliar, or that my last job turned out to suck and I'm scared this one will too, or the fact that I woke up from my first wedding nightmare, but I'm having a disproportionately large emotional reaction to going to my new job for the first time this morning. I can't find my notebook for free-writing, so I figured I'd share with the internet instead.

The wedding nightmare was fun (insert sarcasm here). I was dreaming that we were having it back in BC at my parent's old place, and we had the area at the side and front of the house where the cars usually park all decorated. There were roses in red, white, yellow, and peach strung up making the shape of an open-air tent, and we were getting married the next day. And I suddenly realized that there were so many things left to do - I didn't even have my dress yet, and I had wanted my friend to make it. My mom said not to worry, that we'd go buy one instead, so I went to get a magazine with the pictures of sort-of what I wanted. And I couldn't find it. But I figured I could describe it well enough, so to match colour I took a petal from all the different colours of roses. And then my little brother did something that distracted everyone from going. So first we dealt with that, and then I had to get more petals because the other ones disappeared, which took more time. And then I woke up to my alarm.

I think it was just the feeling of being overwhelmed with all the stuff that needs to be done, and the fear that I won't be able to get it all done. I hate dreams like that, even if I do actually feel that way somewhat. Especially about all the wedding stuff. Planning a party is stressful!

Anyway, off I go to my first day of new job. I'm betting it will be way better than I feel right now *sigh*

The universe was listening

So I was feeling pretty resigned to working at a job I don't really enjoy, with a manager who makes everything more difficult because of her own issues. And I figured I'd focus on what I could change. Here's where the funny and ironic part of the universe comes in - it has always seemed to me that as soon as you resign yourself to the situation you're in, the universe turns around and throws something new at you.

Like with relationships. As soon as you're resigned to and completely ok (and even happy) with spending some time single, the universe sends you someone to be with. At least, that's what it did to me - I wanted to be single, play the field, have some fun. Instead, I met my now-fiance. Go figure.

It seems that it works the same with jobs. I resigned myself to my current job, despite it's drawbacks. I tried and failed to find a new and better job right away, so I was going to put my energy and time into something else. Lo and behold, within a week the universe said 'here you go' and handed me an awesome new job (at least, it had better be awesome), with a manager I know I get along with, for more money and a better number of hours for the assistant pole teaching I'm starting to do.

So, even though I was feeling like I was failing my universe mastermind goals, the universe apparently picked up where I left off and nudged me in the direction I needed to go to find what I wanted.

Also, just as a note, I'm quite proud of myself - I really buckled down this week, and I finished my thesis project tonight. I am now a maca expert. And I have so many random facts about it swirling in my head, I had a hard time figuring out which information I got from where. Luckily, I did my references as I went along for the most part. Anyway. I'm going to print it off tomorrow at the library and go down to Wild Rose to hand it in *grin*
Time to move on to the next few of the bazillion things I feel like I need to get done. The trick is to FOCUS. *smile*

Mastermind Tuesday?

I feel rebellious today. Mastermind monday? pffft. It's tuesday, and yesterday my internet wasn't working. I know how to fix it, but I didn't bother yesterday. Mostly 'cause I haven't been doing the goals I had in mind. Still no tax stuff.....didn't see/call the friends I was supposed to (it snowed and I decided not to go, but then I forgot about the wedding stuff. Oops) I am however, part done my thesis. I'm going to finish that and write the good copy this week. With regard to the two goals I didn't do, well, they're back in the mix for this week, but now I'm planning a specific when for them.

I have called the tax people to make an appointment for next week (this would help if I had a work schedule for net week...) on Thursday, April 21st.

I have called Francis about getting her to officiate at the wedding on Wednesday April 20th

I have called/visited with Chelsea to talk about the making of a wedding dress by or before Monday April 25th

I am 50% done writing the final copy of my thesis, and 100% finished the draft by or before Monday April 25th 2011.


Also, I plan to get a bike before the end of April, and to make arrangements to visit my parents and brother/sister-in-law/nephew/siblings by the end of may.

fitness update?

well, I've given up on being strict with my dietary and exercise recording. There's too much going on right now, and I'm working on other things. Like focus. I've been trying to do too many things lately and not getting much accomplished with any of them. I've also been stuck. Just stuck. Not happy, no idea how to start to try to be happy, nor really thinking clearly about why I had made myself unhappy. But that's better now.

I realize now I wasn't letting myself have the things I needed to be happy. And I'm not even sure what changed, but here I am, feeling way better and ready to take on the world. And I've had an idea. Or maybe I just re-realized an old idea, since I've had this one before. And I think I've figured out my direction now. I've made a plan to write about my plan (lol) so hopefully you'll get to hear about it soon. Until then, here's what my fitness week has looked like.

April 17th 2011 (how does time go this fast? wasn't it just mid-march? and why is there still snow here?)
waist: about the same (39.5-40 inches)
exercise: walked a couple times this week, practised pole twice, didn't stretch much
food: ate fairly well, got yummy healthy groceries, and planned low-glycemic dinners, but also ate a lot of chocolate. especially on thursday when I turned down the job I got at co-op (ah food, how you help me shut off my stress).

That's the week, tomorrow comes mastermind monday! with another revision of goals and directions and whatnot.

Love you all :)

General Update

Alright. I guess it's time for a general update.

I spent the last 24 hours being conflicted over whether to take the job at co-op or not (the interview went well, but they only offered me $10.61 an hour - partly because the position available is a low paying one). In the end I decided not. Maybe I'm a little too attached to having a steady source of income that actually covers all my expenses. I COULD have taken the job, but if I had, I would have had to find another part time job right away, so I'd be able to do more than just cover expenses - which would be important since I'm saving to pay for a wedding. And I also want to buy a bike, take the bus to visit my parents, and continue pole dancing lessons. All of which require money.

I'm going to try not to let my dissatisfaction with work make me grumpy, tearful, or hopeless - and believe me, I've been letting it happen lately. So my new goal is still to look for work (a few of my other goals may take precedence for a while though), but in the meantime to focus on only the parts I like and trust in the universe to bring me something better.

As for pole, I've emailed Alena about the contract etc, I need to sign to get paid as an assistant instructor and then talk to Sheryl about when they need someone to instruct. I'm also working on a choreography for the April 29th student performance night - I'm taking a risk and doing a song that's very emotional for me, which is a little scary given that I have no performance coach to tell me how to get the emotion across better, or how to refine a move so it looks nicer in performance. But this is the part of dance that calls to me, and I absolutely love it - I'm sure I'll do fine.

Anyway, that's about it right now - the rest will probably be in the next monday post.

Mastermind Monday

The only problem with not having an actual mastermind group is that I have no one to call me on it when I get stuck in my stuff. I've been stuck in my stuff all winter, and I'm finally starting to work my way free of it. Looking forward to getting back to my path and purpose. Because that was really what the problem was - I was trying to do something I'm not meant to do. It's kind of like I was following a path, and then I suddenly turned to one side and started walking, and suddenly I found myself working at planet organic and wondering "how the hell did I get here, and why am I exhausting myself trying to push through this thick brush where I don't want to be?" I stopped paying attention to where I wanted to go - and the universe didn't know what to give me.


Long term goals:
I have a job that satisfies me, monetarily and mentally, by or before April 30th 2011
My taxes from this year and last year are complete and filed by or before April 30th 2011
My Master Herbalist Thesis is completed and handed in by or before April 30th 2011

Last weeks goals:
I have applied at 5 places in search of a job that will satisfy me both mentally and financially by or before Monday April 11th 2011 - applied at 3 places, have an interview at 3pm tomorrow

I have called and made an appointment with H&R or other tax expert to have my taxes done by or before Monday April 11th 2011. I have also gathered up all my tax stuff in one place. - Didn't do this one. I'm stuck, probly because I don't know exactly how to do it, or what exactly I need to ask, and I hate being wrong. It feels like I'm wrong with this one. Really not sure why, but it definitely needs to be done this year. Redo this goal for this week.

I have finished gathering information for my master herbalist thesis by or before Monday April 11th 2011. I have also called Wild Rose College to confirm that I do have until April 30th to finish it, and if not to purchase an extension for my thesis project. - I called wild rose, and I do have until the end of april. I didn't really work on the information gathering, but I already had most of it on a file on my computer.

This weeks' goals:

I, Heather, Beautiful, Courageous and Trusting woman, am grateful to the universe and mastermind for supporting me in reaching these goals.

I have called and made an appointment with H&R or other tax expert to have my taxes done by or before Monday April 18th 2011. I have also gathered up all my tax stuff in one place.

I have started writing my Master Herbalist Thesis. There are 17 sections/topics. I am 50% finished my first draft by or before Monday April 18th 2011.

I have contacted two friends regarding wedding stuff by or before Monday April 18th 2011. I have also looked at one of our reception venue possibilities to see if it would be suitable.

two books finished...

The Princessa: Machiavelli for Women by Harriet Rubin

My rating: 2 of 5 stars


This book was a disappointment to me. The idea behind it was good - it basically touts itself as a 'how to get ahead in life' for women, especially those with careers in the corporate world. It kind of goes over a general outline about how women can't get ahead by trying to be better than men, and that they should look to their own strengths instead. I liked this - it's what made me want to read the book. However, the information was poorly organized, and stated in a way that was obscure and left you wondering what the author's point was.

To give you a basic idea of what the entire book was about (so you don't have to spend 8 weeks plodding through it like I did - I haven't taken this long to read a book since Stephen King's IT, which I read when I was 12) I will paraphrase.

Basically, figure out the true motivations of your 'enemy', and then use that information to show them how they can get what they want by working with you, instead of against you. First you have to know yourself, and then you use a variety of ways to throw them off balance or use the truth to confuse them, get them to think and question and maybe change their outlook.
Also, it goes over the idea that if you act like you've already got what you want, you'll get it, and if you act like other people have no direct power over you (and they really don't, anyway)then they'll start to believe it too.
It suggests using your appearance and femininity as a weapon, instead of trying to look like a man so you can be 'taken seriously' in the business world.

There were two lines of the book that I actually quite liked though.

The first is to 'Enlarge the space in which you can be strong'. Unfortunately, the author tells you that 'command and control' doesn't work and actually makes this space smaller, but then she gets side tracked into talking about women and airplanes and how the flight industry got controlled by men and lost the thrill. She never actually tells you how to enlarge the space you're strong in. She hints at it being something to do with paying attention to details though.

The second thing was her definition of peace - she calls it 'a wild peace' and defines it as 'tranquility, fearlessness, and freedom, all three together' - which isn't something that comes when the battle is done, but rather something that happens in the midst of struggle.

All in all the book was ok, but I really felt it wasn't worth slogging through for 8 weeks to get a few gems of wisdom.



View all my reviews


Strange Candy by Laurell K. Hamilton

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


This book gave me pretty much what I've come to expect from Laurell K Hamilton. Like pretty much every book I've ever read by her I found it well written, interesting, and easy to read. It wasn't an absolutely-love-it-couldn't-put-it-down read, but it's definitely one I would read again for entertainment (also like all her other books).



I liked most of the stories in this anthology - especially the ones more towards the fantasy world than horror - the world Laurell K Hamilton writes about in her fantasy stories is far more interesting to me than her anita and merry gentry series world. But that's probably just me.



View all my reviews

Mastermind Monday

So, here it is - mastermind monday! I was planning to go through some of my old papers from it just to revisit things, but I'd have to wade through a spare room full of random boxes and assorted stuff to dig it out and I really haven't felt like doing that. Maybe this week. Or maybe not - I feel like I have more important things to get done first. *smile* Let me tell you.

Most of my goals right now involve getting my life in order so I can move forward out of the hole I feel like I've been in since last summer. Being a grown-up about taking care of the little details and still doing what I'd like to do. I already feel a lot better about things and my ability to deal with them.

The first big thing is my job. For a long time I've been unhappy with it - I always said that I wanted to learn herbology for personal reasons only and that if I ever did do it as a job, it'd be more in the area of growing the plants and making the remedies, not in a clinic. Right now I'm working more in the people side of things and it's definitely been an education - in what I don't want to do. I got more satisfaction putting produce out than in using my education this way. So it's time for something else.
Second is getting my taxes sorted. I've been meaning to go to a tax place since last year to see if I can somehow claim my school stuff as a private college. Since I was planning on doing that, I didn't end up doing my taxes last year (bad, I know). And I still haven't yet - so that's one of my goals.
Third is finishing entirely with wild rose - which means finishing my master herbalist thesis. Won't be too hard, I just have to buckle down and actually do it.

So, my long term goals sound like this:
I have a job that satisfies me, monetarily and mentally, by or before April 30th 2011
My taxes from this year and last year are complete and filed by or before April 30th 2011
My Master Herbalist Thesis is completed and handed in by or before April 30th 2011

And my goals for this week are as follows:
I have applied at 5 places in search of a job that will satisfy me both mentally and financially by or before Monday April 11th 2011

I have called and made an appointment with H&R or other tax expert to have my taxes done by or before Monday April 11th 2011. I have also gathered up all my tax stuff in one place.

I have finished gathering information for my master herbalist thesis by or before Monday April 11th 2011. I have also called Wild Rose College to confirm that I do have until April 30th to finish it, and if not to purchase an extension for my thesis project.


And one last point I want to address. I was thinking about how part of what makes the mastermind process so effective was the group's belief in and holding of each others' goals, and how I'm maybe missing that a little bit here. There are two reasons I'm doing it anyway - one, the structured goal setting helps, even without a group, and two, I've still got the biggest mastermind group of all - the universe itself. I know I'm not explaining that right. What I mean is, I'm a part of the energy in the universe - connected and an intrinsic part of it - and that collective energy will bring me anything I ask for.
I think that the reason masterminding can work so well is because it lets people to more easily believe in and connect to that creation energy. It's goal setting turned into ritual, with all the connection and spirit and magic that ritual brings with it.

Stretchy Sunday

I finally went through my entire stretching DVD. another run through or two and I think I'll have the exercises down enough to use the run-through dvd instead of the explaining dvd. I feel awesome - both stretched and relaxed, which is especially nice at night before I go to bed.
First the program goes through a bunch of ligament/nerve mobility exercises and tension releases so that you can stretch more effectively, then it takes you through a stretch/warm up thingy (yoga sun salutations), and then there are some stretches specific for getting into the front splits. One of those is actually sitting as far into the splits as you can, using pillows to prop your hips up to a comfortable level. I have a long way to go - I folded two big couch cushions in half and had two square pillows too. My left side splits seem better or easier than my right.

Here's a picture of my pillow pile.



As for the rest of my fitness stuff, I'm starting again this week. I've decided to take the pole exercises down to only 3 times per week, since I've taken a few weeks off and don't want to overdo it.

Everything else is still the same - 3 cardio, 2 pole, 3 stretching

Let you know how it goes. and I'll probably take some before photos for my flexibility, so I can look back and see how much of a difference there's been.

Book Review: Shameless

Shameless: How I Ditched the Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure...and Somehow Got Home in Time To Cook Dinner by Pamela Madsen

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


I read this book because it was mentioned on a blog I frequent. I was intrigued by the premise of healing through sensual or erotic massage (something I'd only just barely heard about before - I had no idea that there were people who do it professionally), and I admire her courage in being able to share her story so openly given the taboo subject.



In truth, I had a hard time putting the book down. It was easy to relate to her curiosity about her own desires, and it kept me wondering what she'd discover about herself next.



I was a little disappointed about how long it took her to share her new explorations with her husband - I spent most of the book waiting for it. I can understand why she didn't tell him right away, feeling like it was mostly about her and her own reawakening of desire, but some of the things she was doing would feel like a betrayal of trust to me - especially when she was lying about where she was.



All said, it was a very intriguing book, and an interesting read. I'm glad the author had the courage to share the story of how she found acceptance of herself, and I think she is right that other people may benefit or find inspiration for their own healing journey through her story.



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The Persian

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Persian_%28pastry%29




I have a new quest. I made cupcakes last week. In trying to decide what kind of icing to use, I landed on raspberry. It made me think of the pink icing on Persians. For those of you who don't know, a persian is a doughnut that is unique to ontario - a specific bakery in Thunder Bay (Bennett's) gets the credit for creating them sometime in the first half of the 20th century.

So, since I was making raspberry icing, I remembered that my mom had once tried an experiment with using raspberry jello icing that apparently turned out pretty close (there is some debate as to whether the persian icing is strawberry or raspberry flavoured, and the recipe has been a secret for a long time)

I looked online to see if anyone has ever come up with a recipe that's close, and I discovered that it's still a secret. However, I did learn that it's based on another doughnut recipe called a 'pershing' which is a yeast doughnut that's cinnamon swirled and usually glazed. And I did find a recipe for those. I'm going to try it, hopefully with raspberry icing instead - and then maybe i won't have to go to Thunder Bay to eat one of these delicious things.

Wedding Wednesday

I borrowed/stole the idea to do 'wedding wednesday' from a fellow blogger and pole dancer who's getting married this june.

Wow, looking at the time left (168 days), there is way too much still to do. I have a list that I've compiled from several wedding websites, and it's helped quite a bit to put it all into perspective. Let's just say it's a long list.

So here's what's been accomplished so far:

- we've tentatively decided a date - Sept. 14th, 2011.
- we've made a basic guest list
- our colour/theme is navy and white, with ivy greens as an accent. Kind of an outdoors-y theme, with a casual reception in some kind of community hall
- we've decided to hold an outdoor ceremony in fish creek park nearby (with the reception hall being used as an emergency backup if it ends up pouring rain)
- we've decided to let the bridesmaids/groomsmen pick their own clothes, as long as they're within our colours (shades of medium to dark blue. white, and black is ok for pants or skirts) and semi-formal
- instead of having a DJ or a band, we're going to use iPod playlists hooked up to some kind of stereo equipment
- I've tentatively gotten a photographer - one of my pole instructors does photography part time. I like what I've seen of her stuff so far, so I haven't officially booked her, but I've asked her if she's available and if she'd be willing (she is)
- my mom's offered to make the wedding cake (she's made the cake for the last few family weddings)
- I have a friend who scrapbooks who offered to help me make the invitations. We got together over the weekend and pretty much hashed out what the invitations will look like. Now we just have to figure out how many to make (probly approx. 30 or 40) and finalize the details that will be on the back. I was going to post a picture, but I think I want them to be a surprise.


Things to do this week:
- call the friend I have in mind to be our officiant (we were talking about it a while ago, and she said she could probably do it)
- call my other friend who offered to help me make a wedding dress. See if she'd be willing to come with me to try things on and figure out exactly what style I'd like
- decide whether we're officially going to announce our engagement or not and how we'll do it if we are
- look into reception sites, and decide where we want to have it
- figure out # invitations needed and order the supplies needed to make
- start looking into catering stuff and prices

Book Review: Dream Called Time by S.L. Viehl

Dream Called Time by S.L. Viehl

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


This book pretty much gave me exactly what I was expecting - easy to read, a storyline interesting enough to distract me from my life, and not to the point where I couldn't put it down if I had to. These kind of books are similar to watching TV for me. Not necessarily a book I'd want to own and read again and again, but definitely worth reading once. Exactly what the library is for.



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Mastermind Monday

Also a bit late, but I've been toying with the idea for a while and wanted to post while it was still in my mind.

A while back, right before I moved to calgary, I took part in some self-improvement seminars and became part of this thing called the mastermind - a group of people who talked to each other once a week at a set time to support each other in reaching their goals.

After a little bit of time we kind of lost our commitment to the group and we decided to go our separate ways, but I kind of miss having the structure of the mastermind to help me in increasing my commitment to certain goals. So I've decided to create my own version on the blog. Mondays are now mastermind mondays, and I will post three goals a week, and the following week, I will do an update on how they went and my new goals. I'm going to try not to get into my own 'stuff' with it, and I'm also going to try to be honest. and to try to work it all out, I'm going to start by listing all the things I've been thinking about wanting to do - I created a page for them, since they're likely to change over time.

With my three goals a week, I wanted to kind of go over the mastermind components again, even though I'm doing this by myself, I thought it might be useful.

So, starting next week, that's what I'll be doing.