New Things

Have you ever wondered why new things are so hard? Maybe you haven't. Maybe new things aren't that hard for you. If that's the case, lucky you. I know they're hard for me.

Like starting a new job. I have to leave to go to work at my new job in half an hour. The thing is, I've never even been in the store I'll be working in. A ex co-worker and friend heard I was still looking for a new job because Planet had become such a negative place for me, and she offered me something. First time I've ever been hired by texting. *smile*

I don't know if it's the fact that I've never been there, that the stress of figuring out a new thing is getting to me, that I've had the last four days off and I just don't want to go do something unfamiliar, or that my last job turned out to suck and I'm scared this one will too, or the fact that I woke up from my first wedding nightmare, but I'm having a disproportionately large emotional reaction to going to my new job for the first time this morning. I can't find my notebook for free-writing, so I figured I'd share with the internet instead.

The wedding nightmare was fun (insert sarcasm here). I was dreaming that we were having it back in BC at my parent's old place, and we had the area at the side and front of the house where the cars usually park all decorated. There were roses in red, white, yellow, and peach strung up making the shape of an open-air tent, and we were getting married the next day. And I suddenly realized that there were so many things left to do - I didn't even have my dress yet, and I had wanted my friend to make it. My mom said not to worry, that we'd go buy one instead, so I went to get a magazine with the pictures of sort-of what I wanted. And I couldn't find it. But I figured I could describe it well enough, so to match colour I took a petal from all the different colours of roses. And then my little brother did something that distracted everyone from going. So first we dealt with that, and then I had to get more petals because the other ones disappeared, which took more time. And then I woke up to my alarm.

I think it was just the feeling of being overwhelmed with all the stuff that needs to be done, and the fear that I won't be able to get it all done. I hate dreams like that, even if I do actually feel that way somewhat. Especially about all the wedding stuff. Planning a party is stressful!

Anyway, off I go to my first day of new job. I'm betting it will be way better than I feel right now *sigh*

The universe was listening

So I was feeling pretty resigned to working at a job I don't really enjoy, with a manager who makes everything more difficult because of her own issues. And I figured I'd focus on what I could change. Here's where the funny and ironic part of the universe comes in - it has always seemed to me that as soon as you resign yourself to the situation you're in, the universe turns around and throws something new at you.

Like with relationships. As soon as you're resigned to and completely ok (and even happy) with spending some time single, the universe sends you someone to be with. At least, that's what it did to me - I wanted to be single, play the field, have some fun. Instead, I met my now-fiance. Go figure.

It seems that it works the same with jobs. I resigned myself to my current job, despite it's drawbacks. I tried and failed to find a new and better job right away, so I was going to put my energy and time into something else. Lo and behold, within a week the universe said 'here you go' and handed me an awesome new job (at least, it had better be awesome), with a manager I know I get along with, for more money and a better number of hours for the assistant pole teaching I'm starting to do.

So, even though I was feeling like I was failing my universe mastermind goals, the universe apparently picked up where I left off and nudged me in the direction I needed to go to find what I wanted.

Also, just as a note, I'm quite proud of myself - I really buckled down this week, and I finished my thesis project tonight. I am now a maca expert. And I have so many random facts about it swirling in my head, I had a hard time figuring out which information I got from where. Luckily, I did my references as I went along for the most part. Anyway. I'm going to print it off tomorrow at the library and go down to Wild Rose to hand it in *grin*
Time to move on to the next few of the bazillion things I feel like I need to get done. The trick is to FOCUS. *smile*

Mastermind Tuesday?

I feel rebellious today. Mastermind monday? pffft. It's tuesday, and yesterday my internet wasn't working. I know how to fix it, but I didn't bother yesterday. Mostly 'cause I haven't been doing the goals I had in mind. Still no tax stuff.....didn't see/call the friends I was supposed to (it snowed and I decided not to go, but then I forgot about the wedding stuff. Oops) I am however, part done my thesis. I'm going to finish that and write the good copy this week. With regard to the two goals I didn't do, well, they're back in the mix for this week, but now I'm planning a specific when for them.

I have called the tax people to make an appointment for next week (this would help if I had a work schedule for net week...) on Thursday, April 21st.

I have called Francis about getting her to officiate at the wedding on Wednesday April 20th

I have called/visited with Chelsea to talk about the making of a wedding dress by or before Monday April 25th

I am 50% done writing the final copy of my thesis, and 100% finished the draft by or before Monday April 25th 2011.


Also, I plan to get a bike before the end of April, and to make arrangements to visit my parents and brother/sister-in-law/nephew/siblings by the end of may.

fitness update?

well, I've given up on being strict with my dietary and exercise recording. There's too much going on right now, and I'm working on other things. Like focus. I've been trying to do too many things lately and not getting much accomplished with any of them. I've also been stuck. Just stuck. Not happy, no idea how to start to try to be happy, nor really thinking clearly about why I had made myself unhappy. But that's better now.

I realize now I wasn't letting myself have the things I needed to be happy. And I'm not even sure what changed, but here I am, feeling way better and ready to take on the world. And I've had an idea. Or maybe I just re-realized an old idea, since I've had this one before. And I think I've figured out my direction now. I've made a plan to write about my plan (lol) so hopefully you'll get to hear about it soon. Until then, here's what my fitness week has looked like.

April 17th 2011 (how does time go this fast? wasn't it just mid-march? and why is there still snow here?)
waist: about the same (39.5-40 inches)
exercise: walked a couple times this week, practised pole twice, didn't stretch much
food: ate fairly well, got yummy healthy groceries, and planned low-glycemic dinners, but also ate a lot of chocolate. especially on thursday when I turned down the job I got at co-op (ah food, how you help me shut off my stress).

That's the week, tomorrow comes mastermind monday! with another revision of goals and directions and whatnot.

Love you all :)

General Update

Alright. I guess it's time for a general update.

I spent the last 24 hours being conflicted over whether to take the job at co-op or not (the interview went well, but they only offered me $10.61 an hour - partly because the position available is a low paying one). In the end I decided not. Maybe I'm a little too attached to having a steady source of income that actually covers all my expenses. I COULD have taken the job, but if I had, I would have had to find another part time job right away, so I'd be able to do more than just cover expenses - which would be important since I'm saving to pay for a wedding. And I also want to buy a bike, take the bus to visit my parents, and continue pole dancing lessons. All of which require money.

I'm going to try not to let my dissatisfaction with work make me grumpy, tearful, or hopeless - and believe me, I've been letting it happen lately. So my new goal is still to look for work (a few of my other goals may take precedence for a while though), but in the meantime to focus on only the parts I like and trust in the universe to bring me something better.

As for pole, I've emailed Alena about the contract etc, I need to sign to get paid as an assistant instructor and then talk to Sheryl about when they need someone to instruct. I'm also working on a choreography for the April 29th student performance night - I'm taking a risk and doing a song that's very emotional for me, which is a little scary given that I have no performance coach to tell me how to get the emotion across better, or how to refine a move so it looks nicer in performance. But this is the part of dance that calls to me, and I absolutely love it - I'm sure I'll do fine.

Anyway, that's about it right now - the rest will probably be in the next monday post.

Mastermind Monday

The only problem with not having an actual mastermind group is that I have no one to call me on it when I get stuck in my stuff. I've been stuck in my stuff all winter, and I'm finally starting to work my way free of it. Looking forward to getting back to my path and purpose. Because that was really what the problem was - I was trying to do something I'm not meant to do. It's kind of like I was following a path, and then I suddenly turned to one side and started walking, and suddenly I found myself working at planet organic and wondering "how the hell did I get here, and why am I exhausting myself trying to push through this thick brush where I don't want to be?" I stopped paying attention to where I wanted to go - and the universe didn't know what to give me.


Long term goals:
I have a job that satisfies me, monetarily and mentally, by or before April 30th 2011
My taxes from this year and last year are complete and filed by or before April 30th 2011
My Master Herbalist Thesis is completed and handed in by or before April 30th 2011

Last weeks goals:
I have applied at 5 places in search of a job that will satisfy me both mentally and financially by or before Monday April 11th 2011 - applied at 3 places, have an interview at 3pm tomorrow

I have called and made an appointment with H&R or other tax expert to have my taxes done by or before Monday April 11th 2011. I have also gathered up all my tax stuff in one place. - Didn't do this one. I'm stuck, probly because I don't know exactly how to do it, or what exactly I need to ask, and I hate being wrong. It feels like I'm wrong with this one. Really not sure why, but it definitely needs to be done this year. Redo this goal for this week.

I have finished gathering information for my master herbalist thesis by or before Monday April 11th 2011. I have also called Wild Rose College to confirm that I do have until April 30th to finish it, and if not to purchase an extension for my thesis project. - I called wild rose, and I do have until the end of april. I didn't really work on the information gathering, but I already had most of it on a file on my computer.

This weeks' goals:

I, Heather, Beautiful, Courageous and Trusting woman, am grateful to the universe and mastermind for supporting me in reaching these goals.

I have called and made an appointment with H&R or other tax expert to have my taxes done by or before Monday April 18th 2011. I have also gathered up all my tax stuff in one place.

I have started writing my Master Herbalist Thesis. There are 17 sections/topics. I am 50% finished my first draft by or before Monday April 18th 2011.

I have contacted two friends regarding wedding stuff by or before Monday April 18th 2011. I have also looked at one of our reception venue possibilities to see if it would be suitable.

two books finished...

The Princessa: Machiavelli for Women by Harriet Rubin

My rating: 2 of 5 stars


This book was a disappointment to me. The idea behind it was good - it basically touts itself as a 'how to get ahead in life' for women, especially those with careers in the corporate world. It kind of goes over a general outline about how women can't get ahead by trying to be better than men, and that they should look to their own strengths instead. I liked this - it's what made me want to read the book. However, the information was poorly organized, and stated in a way that was obscure and left you wondering what the author's point was.

To give you a basic idea of what the entire book was about (so you don't have to spend 8 weeks plodding through it like I did - I haven't taken this long to read a book since Stephen King's IT, which I read when I was 12) I will paraphrase.

Basically, figure out the true motivations of your 'enemy', and then use that information to show them how they can get what they want by working with you, instead of against you. First you have to know yourself, and then you use a variety of ways to throw them off balance or use the truth to confuse them, get them to think and question and maybe change their outlook.
Also, it goes over the idea that if you act like you've already got what you want, you'll get it, and if you act like other people have no direct power over you (and they really don't, anyway)then they'll start to believe it too.
It suggests using your appearance and femininity as a weapon, instead of trying to look like a man so you can be 'taken seriously' in the business world.

There were two lines of the book that I actually quite liked though.

The first is to 'Enlarge the space in which you can be strong'. Unfortunately, the author tells you that 'command and control' doesn't work and actually makes this space smaller, but then she gets side tracked into talking about women and airplanes and how the flight industry got controlled by men and lost the thrill. She never actually tells you how to enlarge the space you're strong in. She hints at it being something to do with paying attention to details though.

The second thing was her definition of peace - she calls it 'a wild peace' and defines it as 'tranquility, fearlessness, and freedom, all three together' - which isn't something that comes when the battle is done, but rather something that happens in the midst of struggle.

All in all the book was ok, but I really felt it wasn't worth slogging through for 8 weeks to get a few gems of wisdom.



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Strange Candy by Laurell K. Hamilton

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


This book gave me pretty much what I've come to expect from Laurell K Hamilton. Like pretty much every book I've ever read by her I found it well written, interesting, and easy to read. It wasn't an absolutely-love-it-couldn't-put-it-down read, but it's definitely one I would read again for entertainment (also like all her other books).



I liked most of the stories in this anthology - especially the ones more towards the fantasy world than horror - the world Laurell K Hamilton writes about in her fantasy stories is far more interesting to me than her anita and merry gentry series world. But that's probably just me.



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Mastermind Monday

So, here it is - mastermind monday! I was planning to go through some of my old papers from it just to revisit things, but I'd have to wade through a spare room full of random boxes and assorted stuff to dig it out and I really haven't felt like doing that. Maybe this week. Or maybe not - I feel like I have more important things to get done first. *smile* Let me tell you.

Most of my goals right now involve getting my life in order so I can move forward out of the hole I feel like I've been in since last summer. Being a grown-up about taking care of the little details and still doing what I'd like to do. I already feel a lot better about things and my ability to deal with them.

The first big thing is my job. For a long time I've been unhappy with it - I always said that I wanted to learn herbology for personal reasons only and that if I ever did do it as a job, it'd be more in the area of growing the plants and making the remedies, not in a clinic. Right now I'm working more in the people side of things and it's definitely been an education - in what I don't want to do. I got more satisfaction putting produce out than in using my education this way. So it's time for something else.
Second is getting my taxes sorted. I've been meaning to go to a tax place since last year to see if I can somehow claim my school stuff as a private college. Since I was planning on doing that, I didn't end up doing my taxes last year (bad, I know). And I still haven't yet - so that's one of my goals.
Third is finishing entirely with wild rose - which means finishing my master herbalist thesis. Won't be too hard, I just have to buckle down and actually do it.

So, my long term goals sound like this:
I have a job that satisfies me, monetarily and mentally, by or before April 30th 2011
My taxes from this year and last year are complete and filed by or before April 30th 2011
My Master Herbalist Thesis is completed and handed in by or before April 30th 2011

And my goals for this week are as follows:
I have applied at 5 places in search of a job that will satisfy me both mentally and financially by or before Monday April 11th 2011

I have called and made an appointment with H&R or other tax expert to have my taxes done by or before Monday April 11th 2011. I have also gathered up all my tax stuff in one place.

I have finished gathering information for my master herbalist thesis by or before Monday April 11th 2011. I have also called Wild Rose College to confirm that I do have until April 30th to finish it, and if not to purchase an extension for my thesis project.


And one last point I want to address. I was thinking about how part of what makes the mastermind process so effective was the group's belief in and holding of each others' goals, and how I'm maybe missing that a little bit here. There are two reasons I'm doing it anyway - one, the structured goal setting helps, even without a group, and two, I've still got the biggest mastermind group of all - the universe itself. I know I'm not explaining that right. What I mean is, I'm a part of the energy in the universe - connected and an intrinsic part of it - and that collective energy will bring me anything I ask for.
I think that the reason masterminding can work so well is because it lets people to more easily believe in and connect to that creation energy. It's goal setting turned into ritual, with all the connection and spirit and magic that ritual brings with it.

Stretchy Sunday

I finally went through my entire stretching DVD. another run through or two and I think I'll have the exercises down enough to use the run-through dvd instead of the explaining dvd. I feel awesome - both stretched and relaxed, which is especially nice at night before I go to bed.
First the program goes through a bunch of ligament/nerve mobility exercises and tension releases so that you can stretch more effectively, then it takes you through a stretch/warm up thingy (yoga sun salutations), and then there are some stretches specific for getting into the front splits. One of those is actually sitting as far into the splits as you can, using pillows to prop your hips up to a comfortable level. I have a long way to go - I folded two big couch cushions in half and had two square pillows too. My left side splits seem better or easier than my right.

Here's a picture of my pillow pile.



As for the rest of my fitness stuff, I'm starting again this week. I've decided to take the pole exercises down to only 3 times per week, since I've taken a few weeks off and don't want to overdo it.

Everything else is still the same - 3 cardio, 2 pole, 3 stretching

Let you know how it goes. and I'll probably take some before photos for my flexibility, so I can look back and see how much of a difference there's been.

Book Review: Shameless

Shameless: How I Ditched the Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure...and Somehow Got Home in Time To Cook Dinner by Pamela Madsen

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


I read this book because it was mentioned on a blog I frequent. I was intrigued by the premise of healing through sensual or erotic massage (something I'd only just barely heard about before - I had no idea that there were people who do it professionally), and I admire her courage in being able to share her story so openly given the taboo subject.



In truth, I had a hard time putting the book down. It was easy to relate to her curiosity about her own desires, and it kept me wondering what she'd discover about herself next.



I was a little disappointed about how long it took her to share her new explorations with her husband - I spent most of the book waiting for it. I can understand why she didn't tell him right away, feeling like it was mostly about her and her own reawakening of desire, but some of the things she was doing would feel like a betrayal of trust to me - especially when she was lying about where she was.



All said, it was a very intriguing book, and an interesting read. I'm glad the author had the courage to share the story of how she found acceptance of herself, and I think she is right that other people may benefit or find inspiration for their own healing journey through her story.



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