Last week was the first ritual I hosted. Everyone came to visit me for ritual instead of me going to somewhere else. That in itself felt a little strange to me. The other part of it was that I don't have a ritual area set up here. I have my 'altar' area on top of my bookshelf, but I don't have a special space just for ritual in the apartment - at least not a space that's set up for a group. And I kind of feel like I want one now.
The ritual itself was nice. I had my table and the candles and they brought the grove deity statues. but it didn't feel quite right to me. I didn't feel fully connected to my sacred space. Part of that might be because when I hold ritual in my space, it's usually an outdoor space. Could be the room just isn't right for it. I'm not fully sure.
I think, in actuality, the room was too bare to feel connected in. I kind of put the space together with what I had, and it worked, but I want to create a space that's specific. All I did was clean the spare room and put a table and some candles in; I didn't turn it into a special space.
In the ritual, there was a section where we asked for something from one of the independence archetype deities, and I asked for the strength and independence to remember and remind myself to take time for me. Especially so as we move into the last 7-8 weeks of planning before the wedding. It already feels stressful and that takes its toll. If I want to remain a pleasant person to be around through it, I'm going to have to take some alone time for me. And part of what I want to do for that is something I've been reading about for a while. Let me explain:
I have a friend who has done this training in an online course, called the Kamana Naturalist Training. Basically, it sounds like it's about connecting and being comfortable in nature. The website mentions that most of us are 'tourists' in the natural world - we like to visit, but we're not at home there. And I totally understand this because in BC, where my parents lived, I was at home with nature. Here, I am a tourist. I've been in Calgary for almost 6 years now, and I still don't know the nature here. It's too easy to avoid in a city. It's like trying to learn a language by taking a class once a week (or less). That's how little I get to see a truly natural area in the city. Maybe once a week if I remember.
But I digress. I'm actually somewhat interested in doing the program that he did. I just don't want to seem like I'm copying. That seems silly just saying it - but the fact that I feel that way even a little makes me hesitate. If I was sure I wanted to do it, I'd already be doing it. In any case, the reason I mention it is because I was poking around the site the other day, and I found out that they have a 'sit-spot' challenge for the month of May this year.
The sit spot is the core of their program. It's basically a natural spot you go to once a day, just to observe. It makes a lot of sense to me - you have to spend time in nature to feel at home in there. And I miss feeling at home there.
So I want to do this 30 day challenge thing, first to take time for me, second to be more at home in nature and third to see if I want to try this Kamana thing.
I'll let you know how it goes as I figure it out myself :)
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