So, I've been doing some thinking about things I can do that make me happy. Maybe that's the wrong way to put it though. Its not the things themselves that make happiness - its the balance they bring to my life and the state of mind they inspire.
The more I think about it, the more I realize that it isn't happiness I'm looking for anyway. Let me explain.
In Celtic mythology there are three strains of music - the music of tears, the music of laughter and the music of sleep. And in some of the stories people use music in that order (sad, happy, peaceful) to heal people.
I think the underlying theme there is that the duality of sad and happy isn't enough to sustain a person. The waves of emotion come and go but it is the stillness of the depths that hold the heart of the ocean.
And that's what I seem to have lost. I have both happy and sad moments. I laugh with Jamie often and sometimes feeling lost and direction less keeps me up at night.
I don't think I've truly come to terms with the changes in my life. I haven't mourned the passing of the maiden nor truly celebrated her transformation into a mother. And so the peace eludes me.
To live in the old Celtic notion of Truth (in harmony with life). That is what I'm trying to get back to.
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